fulfillment

Recently a good friend and I were sitting on my front porch around the fire pit when the topic of fulfillment came up. It took us on a journey of curiosity and wonder.

What does fulfillment even mean?

My first line of inquiry was to look up its meaning: the achievement of something desired, promised, or predicted; the meeting of a requirement or condition. Okay, so if fulfillment is to achieve or meet a certain outcome, what is the outcome we desire?

We long for fulfillment in our careers, our relationships, our families, our hobbies, our adventures, our finances, and our present state of being; and yet, many of us don’t feel fulfilled. In fact, we feel unfulfilled, empty and stuck.

I suppose we need to ask ourselves, what is missing? If we aren’t feeling full then how do we fill ourselves and what do we fill ourselves with? And this can often be a slippery slope down the path of addiction and distraction fueled by fear.

I tried to find fulfillment through people pleasing, through doing what was expected of me, through chasing after people who I thought would complete or rescue me, through serving in my community. I’d get the ‘hit’ of endorphins because I’d done something ‘good’, but in the end, I was left feeling empty, alone, and unhappy.

So where does this desire for fulfillment come from? I’ve noticed that there seems to be this deep longing to be seen, heard, and known and that our coping skills only take us so far. They keep us surviving, but not thriving.

I sense that we want to feel whole and fulfilled because we feel empty and lost. And living in a culture that values the pursuit of happiness without first acknowledging that happiness starts with loving, accepting and embracing ourselves. We’re told that it’s “out there”, you must find it, and it’s through achieving that we can get it.

Eckhart Tolle says it beautifully,

“Stop looking outside for scraps of pleasure or fulfilment, for validation, security, or love — you have treasure within that is infinitely greater than anything the world can offer.”

And I know this to be true. Once I stopped chasing fulfilment, happiness and love and started the journey of going deeper into who I am, I’ve found that it was there all along.

I am grateful for the bounty that is held deep within us all and we all have access to it. It just takes time to stop, notice, and be curious about what is driving you to seek fulfillment.