I saw a pattern play out in my life and was able to step back and address it.
Stepping out of my comfort zone and doing something that I believe is going to cost me (in the past: safety and control) creates or rather activates an old pattern – victimhood.
Yikes, it sucks saying that out loud and yet, there it is.
In order to feel safe and in control I focused on the 5% that was not working. In fact, I fixated on that 5% and lost sight of the 95%. In other words, I landed up contaminating and muddying the whole process.
Recently I’ve had to make some decisions which my gut was telling me were good and wise and yet, that scared insecure part of me didn’t want to do it.
I was 95% there, ready to go ahead and take action, and yet, there was a part of me that put up the resistance, started telling all kinds of stories, and began taking me down a very familiar path.
And so, I decided to do some things that I know support that scared part of me – the part that wants to feel safe and be in control. At the end of the day, it’s afraid of making a mistake, of failing, and looking foolish.
I needed that 5% of me to see I was safe and the decisions that needed to be made were in my best interest and would not cost me what I thought it would.
I was able to give that part of me a voice through journaling and talking it out with a good friend who I trust and knows me.
Once I was able to hear it all out loud the fear dissipated and I was able to zoom out and gain clarity again. I was able to let go of the expectations and lean into the process.
It’s amazing how when we let fear dictate how we live, act, and behave it can contaminate and frustrate what we sense or know needs to happen.
In order to gain clarity and have a capacity for ourselves and others, we need to deal with our contaminating thoughts and emotions; which often leads us to unnecessary suffering – hours, if not days of feeling miserable.
A simple formula to dealing with the 5% that’s taken control, remember this: to have clarity and capacity it helps to deal with the contamination.
For me, my victimhood was contaminating my thoughts and emotions and shrinking my capacity for truth and love and created confusion, apathy and dysregulation.
The 5% is a part of you, and let’s remember, so is the 95%. It’s not about being perfect, it’s about supporting the whole.
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