September is often about new beginnings for me. This summer I bought my first bike. And I love it. For years I have used someone else’s bike; never my own. Having a bike has given me a new sense of adventure and freedom. This fall I will also be writing every day— free writing or writing with intention. And so, this month I have decided to combine my two current passions: biking and writing. I have set an intention to jump on my bike after getting the kids off to school and before my clients, and head off to a coffee shop and write. I’m curious to see where this path will lead me.
What new beginnings and goals are you initiating this fall?
I don’t know about you, but the idea of goal setting often feels unattainable, full of expectations, and like the image above — overwhelming. How many times have you sat down on January 1st full of ideas and goals for the new year only to get to the second week of the month and feel like a failure? I know I have been in that boat too many times to count.
I got to the point where just the thought of setting goals made me want to curl up in a ball and forget about the future. It seems to me, that part of the problem is that we don’t really know what we want or need and after years of feeling like a failure we become afraid to try.
Fear is the prison guard that likes to keep us in our comfort zones and never leave or grow. Every time I felt the desire for change and to do something new, fear was there ready to remind me that it wasn’t safe, or it wasn’t for me, or what’s the point in trying. Fear held me captive for years, till I finally decided to invite it to the conversation, rather than letting it overly protect or sabotage me.
We can spend a great deal of time living in comparison to others and feeling like we are not good enough. Let’s go back to those new year resolutions: go to the gym, volunteer more, travel to the moon. The list goes on and on and every year we often land up in the same place — feeling like a failure and frustrated that we’re stuck.
So how do we move out of fear and past experiences into places of achieving what matters to us? I believe a better approach to the notion of traditional goal setting is to embrace curiosity, acknowledge the fear and the thoughts attached to it.
I find it helpful to start by asking what you want for your life, and what is helping or hurting you. What do you value? When we begin by asking these simple questions, we may get the ball rolling into being honest about what really matters.
Remember to be curious as you embrace this process of brainstorming. And it’s okay to be afraid. Fear is a normal response to change. Invite fear into the process. Believe it or not, it has information to share with you; information that may unlock some limiting beliefs you have about yourself.
Let’s go back to the idea of going to the gym. In and of itself, living an active and healthy lifestyle helps us to feel better about who we are. Just the delivery of more oxygen to the brain alone can give us access to more mental clarity as well as help us feel grounded and present.
I wonder how you have been approaching the idea of the gym. Are you looking at your body in the mirror and feeling ashamed of how it looks compared to others? Are you afraid you’re always going to look like this? Do you call yourself names like: fat, ugly, or disgusting? I can imagine these thoughts create a great deal of pain for you and keep you feeling stuck and unmotivated to change.
But what if instead of calling yourself names, you acknowledge that something feels out of alignment and that you want to find more balance in your life. You may be in a place where you are concerned about our weight and body.
Let’s start by connecting to our bodies. What does your body even feel like? Spend some time actually paying attention to how your body feels as opposed to what you think about your body. When we acknowledge these truths, detach from the feelings and emotions that surround them, and see them for what they are — thoughts — it can make taking action a little lighter.
Once we turn the lense around from using “I am” statements, such as, “I am fat,” “I am not good enough,” “I am stuck,” to being curious about what we want and why, it becomes a little easier to start creating and implementing an action plan. And I believe the most well laid plans start with making tiny little achievable goals and building from there.
As humans we often want to be at the finish line before we even start training. Training or goal setting can start with simple ideas like: deciding to go to bed 20 minutes earlier, or starting your day by drinking a glass of water, or parking down the road from your office as opposed to the designated parking lot, or buying a new journal and committing to write your thoughts down every day for 5 minutes.
Moving forward and making initial changes do not need to be big; in fact, I believe it’s healthier and more rewarding when we start small, remembering why these changes matter to us. Knowing your ‘why’ and being curious around why it matters, is the first step to moving oneself into new and exciting adventures. And change is an adventure.
May you find one small change today that you can incorporate into your life so that you feel like you’re moving forward — from stuck to unstuck.
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