Have you ever stopped to think about what “suck it up buttercup” actually means?
I was recently confronted with this idiom. When I heard it out loud I had a physical reaction to it – like a punch to the gut. I don't know if I’d ever stopped and considered what this saying means.
And so, being the curious person that I am, I looked into it. Apparently, “suck it up” was a phrase that pilots used during World War II. If a pilot happened to vomit into their oxygen mask, they were required to suck it up otherwise there was the risk of dying from inhaling the acidic toxic fuses. Can you imagine? This totally grossed me out.
And then, somewhere along the way it became an idiom that had “buttercup” added to the end in order to rhyme. Over time this saying has turned into a sarcastic remark, and as we all know, this comes from a place of mockery and contempt.
We say, “suck it up buttercup '' to ourselves or others because we either want to spur or prod the person into action or mock and point out their deficiencies.
The urban dictionary defines it as such:
“One of the best things you can say to someone who has dug themselves a nice, deep hole, and has fallen right into it”.
In other works, we are asking ourselves and others to – get over it, get it together, toughen up, stop being a sissy, deny your feelings, abandon yourself, and pretend everything’s okay. And this breaks my heart, because in the moment, everything is NOT okay.
Where’s the compassion, empathy, and understanding? Where’s the acknowledgement that we all make mistakes and feel crappy sometimes? Where’s the opportunity for amendment?
How about jumping in the hole with the person and being with them in that moment? When you’re weak, fragile, and feeling insecure, isn’t that what you want?
And so, I’d like to offer a reframe.
Rather than “suck it up buttercup”, why not try “soak it up buttercup”. This gives you the opportunity to take a breath, to assess the situation, and then take appropriate action.
Rather than beating yourself up or mocking someone, why not give yourself or them permission to just be in the moment.
So today, if you’re feeling a little off balance or concerned you are not doing or being enough, think of this gentle reminder that you are enough – right now in this moment and soak - it - up. You are worth it.
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