When insecurities set in and demand attention, it usually comes in the form of feeling like a piece is missing and I need to go out and find it. It must be “out there” because “they” all seem to have “it”.
I was recently talking to a friend about this inner need to find the piece that is missing in order to complete me. I know all the mantras, “It’s all within.” “You have all you need.” “Don’t worry, be happy”.
And yet, that young part of myself doesn’t give a BEEP what they say because she is different and she’s definitely missing something darn it, and don’t you tell her otherwise!
She gets frustrated and angry when she does her best to find the missing piece and comes up empty handed. She feels like a failure and ashamed.
All of this comes from an old wound. When she was young she did her best to protect me and keep me safe, and she did that by pleasing others and being perfect. We all know that that is a fool’s errand and yet, this was all she knew and it worked – kind of.
It got her what she needed – attention, validation, and some form of what she thought was love. She didn’t realize that she had to abandon herself in order to please them and the only way to do that was to use a form of transaction.
“I’ll be super responsible, obedient and productive, and then you’ll love me – right?! All I need is crumbs. Really, that’s all I need.”
I didn’t know that I was going through life looking at it through this lens until my therapist enlightened me – it blew my mind.
I have spent time building and forging a stronger relationship with my inner child to the point where she is really starting to trust me.
She is “the missing piece”. I need her. I want her. And she matters to me. When I forget to include her in the decision making and life choices, she riles up and gets upset.
So, with great intention and an open heart I extend my hand to her reminding her that she did an amazing job of keeping me safe and she can now put the puzzle away and go play in the ocean – her favourite place.
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