Imagine waking up today not having any plans or responsibilities — you are completely free to do whatever you want.
What would be your response?
Maybe elation first and then ... PANIC! — an overwhelming feeling that life is now out of control, performance anxiety (I’ve got to get this right!), and restlessness. OMG what am I supposed to do?
I can imagine even the thought of having an hour to yourself feels dreadful and may even send you into the shower to clean the grout between the tiles. Anything but … time to yourself. It feels like too much.
I struggled with this too. The idea of stillness and quiet was so uncomfortable. If I had an hour to myself, I’d inevitably clean. For a long time I couldn’t do it. I was so used to being busy and responsible for everyone else’s schedules and wellbeing that I didn't have or make time for myself. Part of this story for me — I wasn’t allowed. Time off was not for me.
In fact, I justified it by telling myself I was being selfless and helping others. The idea of resting on the couch for 30 minutes doing nothing was not okay — that was a waste of time.
And yet, I was exhausted, bitter, resentful, and empty. I was stuck in a pattern of victimhood/martyrdom, lacked boundaries, and didn’t allow myself permission to take time for myself.
I felt like (or rather, it was the story I told myself) it was my job and responsibility to keep and make everyone happy, and sacrifice my happiness, needs, and wants to be seen and known as ‘a good girl’ — service with a smile.
To get out of this trap of doing it all, I needed to force myself to slow down and literally claim and make time for myself — guilt free. And I had to do it in small baby steps.
How, you wonder?!
The most powerful way I found to make time for myself and make it stick was journaling.
It’s easy and you can do it too.
Step 1: Go out and buy yourself a journal that is just for you; not for Susie whose birthday is around the corner, but for YOU. And maybe throw in a coloured felt-tipped pen for writing. Something that makes you smile.
Step 2: When you have your breakfast, or right after waking up, commit to writing for 10 minutes — YOU CAN DO THIS! Write down whatever comes to your mind. Don’t overthink it, just write. Even if it’s about the weather, your coffee, or your dream last night. Write it all down. And with time, those 10 minutes of writing will turn into 30 and you’ll be surprised by what comes out of you and onto the page.
The beauty of journaling is, you get all that noise that’s in your head and emotions circling your heart, all out of your body and onto the page.
And it forces you to SLOW DOWN — your hand can only write so fast. This time is dedicated to you.
It’s a way of attending to yourself EVERY SINGLE DAY, and the result: a clearer mind, a regulated body, and more time to be curious about yourself.
Remember, this is a start — baby steps — to you focusing some time and energy on you, and YOU CAN DO IT!
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