Let me know if this resonates with you …
No one understands me.
When will I ever be enough?
How much more do I need to do to prove my worth?
Why do ‘they’ get all the breaks?
When will it be my turn?
Why do I have to fight for every inch?
If any or all of these resonate with you, you are not alone.
What I didn’t realize was that all these questions and statements were the shadow/ego/inner critic telling me lies about myself, others, the world, everything in order to “protect” me.
And so I nurtured this story because it was my identity AND it meant I didn’t have to risk or dare because I could always blame “them.”
This was my security blanket. And don’t you dare threaten to take it away!
They did this to me. They make me feel small. They don’t let me have any fun. They won’t let me try something new.
Do you see how disempowering and defeating this language is?
“They” didn’t do any of this TO ME. My ego/inner critic came up with a story to ensure my safety and keep me from experiencing pain AND YET it also, and this is the sad part – kept me from what I wanted the most – to be seen, known, loved, and connected.
I have used my victimhood as my excuse; although I’d never admit that’s what I was doing, because then I’d have to be responsible for my decisions, actions, thoughts, and life.
And this was what I was trying to avoid. BEING RESPONSIBLE AND ACCOUNTABLE. It’s so much easier to blame “them” because it makes me feel good. Well not really. That was another lie I’d tell myself.
Coming to this realization hurt. I had to look myself in the eyes and see the truth for what it was – I was believing a lie in order to stay safe. And yet, what it kept me safe from was what I longed for – connection.
So, now I have exposed this lie and want to amend this part of my story. I know that going forward I will reach out to those I have blamed and take responsibility for my side of the story.
I made these choices. I let fear win over desire and dreams. I let others take the fall for my cowardice.
No more. It’s time to human up and step into the light and be more wholly me.
Nurturing our victimhood is part of being human. Feeling afraid to step into the unknown takes courage and a desire for something bigger than ourselves.
You don’t need to be alone in your story. You are not alone on your journey. You have a whole host of witnesses who see you, know you, and want to support and love you. It’s okay to reach out and ask for help – we are here for you.
Comments