For those of you who have children, you know how hard it can be to deal with a child’s tantrum. It’s often hard to know: what set them off, what are they so upset about, why won’t they stop, and what can I do to fix it?
Tantrums can feel so big and overwhelming, not only for the one having the emotional meltdown, but also the people around them who are trying to sort out what’s happening in that moment.
In the past, tantrums would trigger that part of me that felt out of control, not able to regulate my own or someone else’s emotional state, and it often felt personal – like I had done something wrong and I was a bad person for doing it. And now it was my job to fix it.
A couple days ago, I decided to take myself out on a date. I try to do this once a week, even if it’s just for an hour or so doing something random, out of the ordinary and loosely planned. This week, the little kid in me wanted to go on the skytrain and seabus (public transit). The egoic part of me (the one who loves to get its own way and be in control) did everything to derail this plan – resistance.
It wasn’t long before the ego decided to have a tantrum and throw a heavy cloud over me, “See, I told you this would be stupid. See, I told you you’d be disappointed. See, I told you …” – wah, wah, wah – broken bits of me everywhere.
Over lunch I decided to pull out my pen and paper and write it all out. And in that moment I calmed the storm. I advocated for the young one in me, thanking it for a fun and spontaneous idea which took me out of the house and out into Vancouver, and I thanked the egoic part for reminding me how expectations can cloud and jeopardize the potential of joy.
Once I took the time to address them both, and to honour myself as a whole, the rest of the day was remarkable. I was surprised by how present I was to myself and my world around me; no longer resistant or dysregulated.
Resistance is just fear – to lose control, to be abandoned, and to be left behind. It works from a place of self-preservation at all costs and needs attending to – to know that it's not alone and that it won’t die if I follow a path of loving kindness.
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