“Live your life for YOU not for anyone else. Don’t let the fear of being judged, rejected or disliked stop you from being yourself”
~Sonya Parker
If you’re like me, you’ve probably spent most of your life worrying about what others are thinking about you.
Why are we so concerned with what others think? Does their opinion of us really make a difference?
It takes courage to ask these questions and to be honest about what’s really going on.
After years of trying to please other people in order to feel good about ourselves, we become bored, exhausted, listless, and unhappy. And do ‘they’ really make us feel good? Maybe that compliment felt good in the moment, but then what? Once they’re out of sight and out of mind, we feel crappy again.
Most of the time ‘they’ make you feel little, stupid, and never getting it right. And ‘they’ are often stories we tell ourselves in order to either feel better in the situation or to reinforce our deficiencies. It’s these stories that we land up attaching to and then turn into truth.
What if you stopped your mind for a minute and asked yourself — is what I’m thinking really true? Do I even know what they’re thinking? What is it about myself that I’m not happy with?
If we stop and take notice, we find that storytelling is a way of protecting ourselves from rejection and abandonment. So instead of ‘them’ rejecting us, we reject ourselves first, that way the blow seems less harsh.
Are you done giving a flying fig about what ‘they’ think? And how did ‘they’ get to define and write the rules about who you are, how you act, and what you do?
Here are some concrete ways to deal with this fear of rejection:
You may have been victimized, and yet you are not a victim. Changing the mindset from “Whoa is me!” to “Who do I want to be in this situation?” Move from blame and shame, to personal accountability.
Worrying about what others think is a waste of time. They’re judging themselves harsher than they’re judging you anyway. And don’t you want to have more time for those fun things like — roller derby, or hiking, or having a game night with friends or family?
Being authentic is a matter of choice. At the end of the day, you always have choice. Choose YOU, because you are worth it. ‘They’ have taken up enough space and time in your life.
“The truth is: Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you're enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect.”
~ Brené Brown
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